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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Don`t mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
Pro tip: β€œHold my drink” is not a proper response to β€œLicense and registration, please.” … apparently.
β€œI wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.