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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
Bless me Father for I hit send.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused