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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
i feel naked without my mobile !
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.