Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?