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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
"Iām not drunk!ā is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.