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My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?