Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...