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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook