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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
How long does it take to get obsessed?