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I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."