Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!