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FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.