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Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
My cardio is shopping.
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.