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I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about