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Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....