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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.