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It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
“I saw that.” -Karma
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.