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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister