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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
You`re in your 20`s... you don`t have "haters"... you have "adults" that think you are "annoying"
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.