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Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.