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If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
My innocent look never works in the nude.
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
Long story short, I love summaries
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out