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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.