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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.