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I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial