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My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Iām late for a disappointment.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
Iām sad when my food is over.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
Iām jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.