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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!