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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks