Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...