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I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...