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Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.