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We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
I am used but in good condition.
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?