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Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.