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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?