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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!