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For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...