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Does the Food Network deliver?
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.