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Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I hear boomerangs are making a comeback.
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?