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According to my nipples, summer is over
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.