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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Exercise? More like extra fries.
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....