Daily Silly Status

I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?

Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`

I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.

Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!

I’m not the friend you put on speaker phone.

If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)

So the state trooper said "I`ve been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn`t you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."

I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.

I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.

Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.

Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!

I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.

When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!

Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.