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If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.