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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.