Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
Marriage is for quitters
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat