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You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
My number was 0...