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Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping…..Ha, try online dating
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.