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the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.