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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.