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PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.