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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!