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Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.