Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.