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Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
These statuses are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!