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DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.