Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn`t attend.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.