Daily Silly Status

So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.

Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.

PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.

I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.

How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?

There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.

Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!

I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!

when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around

Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.

If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."

I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.

Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.

Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.

Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.